Sunday, December 03, 2006

Casual

Because I couldn't take him seriously, Casual wasn't a threat. He was a delight -- an indulgence that meant nut without strings and no promises to be broken. As such, this twice bitten monogamist was more than happy to accept the terms.

A golden boy. A pretty young thing. No rhythm to speak of, no bedroom savvy. Instead, he was rough 'round edges and smooth everywhere in between. Perhaps he didn't electrify my body, but he envied it. And sometimes that's plenty.

I initiated everything. Greeted him shirtless and in sweatpants, skipping the formality of underwear. Stood silent and let a thin stretch of tented cotton do the talking -- directing his eyes downward and his mouth to agape. Still, no words there in the dark, when the drawstring released and unveiled several inches of anticipation at full mast.

And so it began.

I initiated everything. Paused for a moment to marvel at the five feet and nine inches of pure gold devoid of blemish and availing itself for my consumption. Manifest destiny pulsed within me, first alerting, then dispatching every appendage to its prescribed ministry.

And so it began.

He was a man. Refused to squirm, but I knew better. These lips incite nirvana frequently enough to know the feel of a man at his peak. And this tongue enough to push him past. Twice.

I humored his thrusts and was tickled by his explosion. He'd given a bass tone warning seventeen strokes before I watched his tender architecture collapse atop my chest, flinching and spent. Palming the back of his head, I smiled over his shoulder at the gods who'd never stopped watching.

And then it was my turn.

Delicate thing. Afterwards, he asked how frequently I went to the gym. Nested in the comfort of my arms, lips grazing my nipple, he sputtered "I think I procrastinate because I fear failure." In his innocence, he reminded me of a time where afterglow epiphanies didn't strike me as trite and cuddling was an undeniable precursor to love. How precious he was.

A half-assed resolution to make this a regular thing. But this time he had to get mom's car back post haste. He hit me off with the nigga handshake. Perhaps it struck him as misplaced, so he kissed me awkwardly on the neck before finally giving in to a full hug. Feeling the scales in his mind struggling to balance cultural protocol against transgressive sex, I held him close.

In our two hours together, Casual had brightened my spirits. A golden blur, not yet ripe, he filled my space for long enough to remind me how delightful transience can be. This twice bitten monogamist was more than happy to accept the terms.

20 Comments:

Blogger Charles X said...

Damn, I thought our relationship was on the hush!

4:52 PM  
Blogger Kenta said...

Reminds me of a trip to Pittsburgh. ;-)

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like this entry. Made me hot. Got my parts all stiff. Way to take me through it.

Sunshine Revelation

10:21 PM  
Blogger Charles X said...

Thanks!

I will try to leave the antics to the professionals from now on. I did make one more go at it and that will be in a post I write tomorrow.

11:39 PM  
Blogger life said...

You're so honest! You've given up on monogamy?

12:45 AM  
Blogger mickevwms said...

I think i'm gonna need a drink and a smoke.....

10:43 AM  
Blogger ShawnQt said...

You took me there...

11:10 AM  
Blogger Larry D. Lyons II said...

@ Sunshine: Glad to hear you enjoyed the piece - but I happen to know that you have something more substantive to add to the convo than a nod to your stiff parts. Don't be stingy.

@ life: Thanks for posing that important question. Sooner than saying that I've given up on monogamy, I'd say that I've been disabused of the notion that monogamy is the single most viable or ethical way of organizing my sex. Having unseated monogamy as the default structure for my sexual and romantic relationships, I am availing myself to an excitingly broad array of ways to engage the men with whom I choose to be intimate.

Needless to say, not everyone with whom I share sexual chemistry is equipped to enter into an exclusive relationship with me. And not everyone who'd like to march me down the aisle is suited to satisfy my sexual needs for the rest of my life. And, more importantly, I have the agency to decide whether sexual exclusivity is something I want for myself or expect of my partner.

As such, this post finds me valuing the transient experience of Casual without trivializing it. Perhaps he made me nostalgic for a time when I knew less and dreamed more, however the tone of this piece (in my estimation) manages to be resolutely bright and not at all jaded or bitter about having been "twice-bitten".

All that to say - no I have not given up on monogamy. I've only democratized the organization of my sex as to affirm the value of experiences like the one with Casual and to have my needs met in the healthiest ways possible. Monogamy may or may not work for me in the future. What I can say definitively is that it's just one option among many.

5:07 PM  
Blogger kaLMBROTHA said...

I think what's most interesting about this post, is that you don't de-signify 'casual' sex. Truth be told, there are people whom we connect sexually but not mentally and vice versa. Why should the body lack for the sake of the mind? I grapple with monogomy and sexual expression because I haven't come to terms with my full sexual-emotional humanity. I'm glad to know someone else has, and isn't ashamed of it.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Dalia D. Black said...

sometimes we need to take the casual road on the path to self-discovery. that was beautiful. to be honest, man-man/woman-woman love is not something i know much about; sometimes, the matter makes me uncomfortable (fear of the unknown, fear of what's different), but your frankness is refreshing and i always love your writings on the topic.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its is about time Larry Lyons! ~P. Alonzo...

8:38 AM  
Blogger Omar Ramon said...

Fly as usual, mr. Lyons. Refreshing at the very least... amazing on various levels at best.

10:23 AM  
Blogger ReddMann said...

the explanation is as powerful as the piece

2:26 PM  
Blogger cygnenoir316 said...

excellent piece, u managed to bypass my carnal response to typical writing in this genre and stimulate my mental faculties with ur delivery...i think i just had nano orgasms in my synaptical spaces. I'm glad that u are considering the best state of "gamy" (e.g., mono-, poly-) for ur purposes - it's an important step in rejecting falsehoods and defining self and certainty. I envy your mastery of verse - besides u (it's warranted), who's ur favorite author? Hope your semester is wrapping up well.

12:52 AM  
Blogger Emotionalbrotha said...

Nice post..

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Marz said...

I've learned so many things from this post.

Many are personal.

But..

Rejection and deceit are a monogamist couple I never wish to encounter.

Sadly, I will.

-Marz

2:17 PM  
Blogger Queer Kid Of Color said...

I dont get it.

Was this your boyfriend or a hook up?

2:14 AM  
Blogger WATER said...

Excellent

2:09 PM  
Blogger spazzalicious said...

dayum!!!

(miko)

11:42 PM  
Blogger procrastination_xtravaganza said...

I read this soon after it was posted, and appreciated it then, but I really, really (it's a lot for me to use an adverb twice,) needed to read this tonight.

Thanks L,

-J

10:16 PM  

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